My Origin Story
CW: rape, religion, trauma, uncertainty
A long time ago, in the fey wild, an old god was captured by the witch queen Maria and forced to make a baby. The queen hoped this baby would grow into a super weapon that would allow her to conquer the world. However, this child was as wild as her fey father and could not be tamed. As this child grew, they made friends who followed them from life to life.
No, wait, that isn’t quite right.
27 years ago, in a city hospital, a baby was born without a soul. However, when the baby took its first breath, many souls rushed in. The set of souls piloting the body grew and adapted as the body got older.
No, that isn’t right.
Much more recently, in a big city, a child was raised by two loving parents who made some mistakes. These mistakes left the child traumatized and with a fractured sense of self. Out of these fractures grew many personalities.
I’m not sure this one is right either.
As you can see, our multiplicity is not simple to explain. There are stories within stories and we each have our own narrative.
I, Silver, see myself as an iteration of what’s left of the original. I also see myself as a half fey witch who stole this body in its first breath. You would think those stories contradict each other. In fact, they do, but I have to hold both as true to keep myself….whole? Sane? Something like that.
Then there’s Stag. Is he another child of an old, fey god? Is he a manifestation of that god, who changes with the seasons? Is he my best friend from a previous life? A lover, perhaps? Or is he an internal fracture who holds our sexual desire and libido? All I know is that he does NOT like that last option.
Balancing all these stories and narratives has never been easy. Before I knew the others were real (or at least as real as me), I thought I was just a creative writer. I would get frustrated that I couldn’t stick to one “plot”. So I decided I was working in a world of parallel timelines. Now that I understand that there are other passengers in this body, I can see that the stories are how my brain interprets trauma and plurality.
And that isn’t taking into account spirituality. What, of the things I have held true about the universe, are actually true? Are all souls drops of energy from a giant ocean that return to that ocean when we die? Are there multiple planes of existence that spirits can move between? What about the void between dimensions, where Sin came from? Is that real or just in my head? What about the astral?
At the end of the day, I have to believe in something. That’s the only way I’ll stay grounded. If I am to believe that I am an alter within a system, I have a job to do. I have to manage the outside world and smooth interactions. I can only do that if I let everyone, including me, have our stories. So stories we will tell.